I Never Said Goodbye
by Monsterchild
Summary: Years ago, Sara gave away her baby boy.  Now, when he is 18, he finds her and wants to know his mother... And his father...
1. I Can't Say

I Never Said Goodbye

By: MonsterChild

Chapter 1: I Can't Say

I can't say that I was young when I gave him up. I can't say that I couldn't support him. I can't even say that I didn't have enough time for him.

So why did I give him up? Well… I gave him up because he looked like his father.

I know it sounds stupid. And I wish now that I hadn't done it but you don't understand the situation. If you had been trhough what I had, you wouldn't want to look at that face either.

He had his father's eyes, his smile, his hair… Everything. I just… I couldn't take it.

So I gave him up. I guess if I wanted to make a better case for myself, I could say that I wasn't in the best emotional state. But I see no point in sugar-coating it.

For years, I thought about going straight to the adoption agency and finding where he was. But for some reason, I always talked myself out of it.

However, I should've expected this. I should've expected that 18 years later, Eric Sidle would show up on my doorstep. And I should've expected that he would want to know everything about Greg Sanders.

AN: Dun dun dun! This is my first CSI fic so go a little easy but be brutally honest, if you can do both. Anyways, please R&R! P.S. The chapters will get longer.


	2. Hello Again for the First Time

Chapter 2: Hello Again for the First Time

When I opened the door, I first thought I'd gone back in time. Like I had been sucked into a time warp to a time long ago, before I even knew Greg. But once I got a chance to really look at him, I noticed the few and slight differences.

I composed myself and asked the Greg-look-a-like, "Can I help you?"

He paused as he looked me over. I couldn't quite place his facial expression but it was almost surprised. "Are you Sara Sidle?"

I was confused and scared at the same time. I mean, I didn't know who he was, and he just so happened to look like my ex boyfriend. "yes. Why do you ask?"

He took a nervous, deep breath. "My name is Eric White. Eighteen years ago, a woman by the name of Sara Sidle put me up for adoption. Are you her?"

I stared at him, amazed. And all of a sudden, tears came into my eyes and I wrapped him in a hug. "Yes," I whispered.

I'm not sure how long we stood there but when I eventually let him go, I siad, "Please, come in."

We sat together on the couch. "Can I get you anything?" I asked him anxiously.

He shook his head with a smile on his face. "No, I'm okay. But I have so many questions for you."

At that moment, I did not think that any question he could ask would make me uncomfortable. "Sure, ask me anything."

He smiled again. His smile was just like his father's, but I didn't think too much of it. "Well, tell me about you. Where do you work? How old were you when you gave me up? I want to know everything."

I dove into a long-winded explanation of my work for the crime lab. Explaining that when I was around the age of thirty, I got pregnant and left Las Vegas. I worked in LA for a while before finally settling down in San Fransisco, where I'd been living and working ever since.

"You work with the crime lab?" he asked me when I was done.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"That definitely explains my interest in forensics," he replied, a laugh lingering on the edge of his voice.

And I don't know why, but before I could stop myself, I said, "Actually, you get that from your father."

He looked up at me with those big brown eyes, the ones like his father's. I watched him with anticipation, knowing the next question.

"What happened with you and Greg Sanders?" he finally asked. "That's who the adoption agency had listed as the father…"

I sighed heavily. What a loaded question… "Greg Sanders was a lab technician at the Las Vegas crime lab for the longest time," I explained. "Eventually he became a CSI. We were good friends. He wanted more, but I just didn't see him that way. I ended up dating my boss for the longest time. We were engaged. Then one night…" I shrugged. "One stupid night, I… We… Greg and I crossed over the line of friendship into something more.

"A month later, I found out that I was pregnant," I continued. "I didn't tell anyone, not even Greg. I just picked up and left…" Tears came rolling down my cheeks once again. "You were born months later and…" I choked back more tears. "You looked exactly like him. And I know that you must hate me for giving you up but every time I looked at you, I wanted to cry." I placed a hand on his knee. "It wasn't because I didn't love you, I just… I left Vegas for a reason."

His hand rested on mine. "I don't hate you," he said softly.

AN: Aw… Anyways please R&R!


	3. Author's Note

AN: HI EVERYBODY! I want to continue this story and update, but the issue is that I wrote the next, like, four chapters in a notebook. Now, we're in the middle of a relocation, and all of my notebooks (my hundreds of notebooks) are pack in boxes. SO, as soon as I get all of my notebooks unpacked in our new place, I will update this! Thanks for understanding, MonsterChild.


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